I Asked Myself

This installation was made for my Senior Project for my Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree in Studio Art with a concentration in ceramics at Queens College - CUNY. At this pivotal point in time, as I was graduating college and entering "the real world" I found myself in a repetitive loop of questioning my decisions and choices for my future. I wanted to create a mixed media piece that represents a struggle about identity. It starts with a vessel which for potters is seen as equal to the human body. The vessel was made as a metaphorical way to contain my thoughts as well as a representation of myself in the ceramics world atleast. The vessel was coil built and features movement throughout the extra coils attached to the surface. It also features fragments of slipcasted teddy bears, a symbol I often use to represent myself in my work. The head is a part of the lid of the vessel, while arms circle the base of the vessel and are reaching out. The text on the vessel reads "I ASKED MYSELF" and marks the beginning of this artistic journey of identity. As the project develops, I begin screen printing my portrait onto a wooden board, and with each print, my appearance gets more and more distorted, and together these portraits form a spiral. They are made to represent a spiraling thought pattern I was stuck in of constantly asking myself the same questions on repeat as well as struggling with my identity. Broken mirror add to this composition and are placed there so that when the viewer looks at this piece they not only see myself, but fragments of themselves in my work as well. A handmade wooden frame surrounds this composition and is finished with handcut ceramic letters that repetitively say "I ASKED MYSELF" while they loop around the picture. Some letters hang off the frame as well to represent the weight I feel from carrying all this doubt and the pressure of feeling like I have to make so many decisions all at once. These letters are secured with a knotting pattern that is interrupted partially through and reversed in each case as a symbol of how I struggle to complete one idea all the way through without first moving to another. Large handbuilt bear arms mounted on woodworked pieces are attached to the wall to surround this entire piece. These arms are a detached part of the bear and appear like taxidermy. The symbolism here is the idea of a trophy wife and the decision I made for myself that that is not what I want. This is the second part of a series that depicts that idea in my work. The one thing I know for sure is that, I am an artist and I want to work with my hands. Individual prints follow down the pedestal to complete the piece from the wall onto the pedestal, down the pedestal and on the floor. The text on the floor reads the same "I ASKED MSYELF." I have came to terms with the fact that building my identity and making decisions is something that I will continue to do throughout my life. The only things I know for sure now are that I do not want to be a "trophy wife," that I want to work with my hands, and that I will dedicate my life to the pursuit of being an artist. I hope that my work shows others that it is okay to not have it all figured out right now.