Healing From A Casanova

In this work, I've explored my personal journey of healing from an abusive, misogynistic relationship in 2024. The work begins with a ceramic piece of a bear drowning in a leaf, symbolizing my mental state at the start of the year. While overwhelmed by trauma, I've used my personal symbol of a teddy bear to represent myself struggling to stay afloat.

This project began by pulling from vintage molds in my collection in an effort to depict my complex emotions about the past situation. I've simultaneously casted two molds: one of a teddy bear, representing my playful, yet vulnerable view of the world, and the other of a leaf, symbolizing the fall, during which most of my trauma occurred. I've cut the bear into pieces and reconfigured them into the leaf, leaving only the head and arms. By cutting apart the perfectly intact teddy bear, I aimed to represent the destruction of innocence that I feel like I've faced in those traumatic events. By configuring them into the leaf, I aimed to convey an overwhelming sense of drowning in my past. More specifically, I wished to convey the mental struggle I've experienced while trying to process the trauma I had experienced the previous Fall.

The piece is fired in a cone 10 reduction kiln which is a popular contemporary technique. The second piece in this series undergoes a transformative process. Initially intended to be a large handbuilt version of the first piece, this piece evolves over several months; as that no longer aligning with my emotional state. I abandoned my original plan and broke the leaf away to free the bear. To me, the act of smashing this large representation of my past mental struggle felt like a step forward in overcoming it. From that large sculpture I ended up saving the bear, which was symbolic for me as a metaphor for saving myself. I then decided on the time consuming process of burnishing the bear head as an act of channeling my energy back into progress that moves forward, using the act of caring for the teddy bear as a representation of self care. By this time, I had decided that the bear had deserved a special kind of firing for itself. I collaborated with one of my college Professor's to complete an above ground modified pit fire.

Throughout this project, I've documented my process, capturing the evolution of my work in photographs. Ultimately, the project reflects themes of transformation, healing, and the beauty of change. By confronting the painful effects of abuse in an inviting way, I aim to spark conversation about the impermanence of trauma, healing through the passage of time, and the beauty of personal growth.